Walking in the Lord's Grace day by day....


Super Long Beginning Post (Weeks 3-11)

Ahh!! I can't believe I get to write this. Feeling so utterly grateful and full of joy. If you would like to read the whole story, start at the bottom and read to the top! But before we get started, PRAISE THE LORD for His faithfulness and this unbelievable gift! 

11 weeks :: My last trip of the year, South Carolina, hit right at the 11 week mark! I went down to photograph an engagement session and see a dear friend and her family! Oh man. Charleston was exactly what I needed. The first day we got it, we hit up the beach and even though it was drizzling and chilly. I felt like myself for the first time in FOREVER. Goodness me. I love the beach. I tried to stick my tummy out a bit for baby's first beach photo, goodness lots of bloat from the plane or I started to show this week. All depends on what I am wearing forsure.

I also started working out a little more this week. Honestly I have been pretty afraid to do much of anything. Even though I am usually quite the athlete, this year was a weird one. I was training for a half marathon and then broke my foot and was in a boot till about May. During that time I started to eat sugar free and really realized that my body was feeling good and I didn't have to exercise as much with how busy my schedule was. I would fit in a run or class here or there, but I haven't consistently worked out in I feel like 10 months. That being said I have been fearful of jumping back in till the end of the first trimester. I walked outside, did a Barre class and yoga in SC and it was great. I was crazy sore, but in a good way! Definitely got me motivated to start a routine when I got back! Even better we got the treadmill to our house (was at my parents) so no excuses! Just to even walk.

10 weeks :: My work had finally started to slow down. I had a couple of shoots left for the year but I was so excited that I actually stuck to my guns and really tried to take most of the month of December off. I needed it. So this week I was a homebody. Completely bumming around while we got our first pretty hefty snowfall.

I headed back to the OB-GYN to meet with the NP since my provider was booked out at week 10. I was nervous but grounded that the Lord had us in His hand. I hadn't been feeling really nauseous since my last appointment and a week after that able to eat normal again so I wasn't sure of the outcome. But she found the heartbeat SUPER quickly with the doppler on top of my stomach! SUCH JOY hearing that noise and so strong!! 172!!!

9 weeks :: It was Thanksgiving day!!! We were so excited as we waited to tell our parents until this day. It took a lot longer than expected to tell my folks (due to busy making meals and other guests) we ended up getting a birthday present for my dad the week before and had addressed the card to Grandpa with the ultrasound pictures inside. When we finally got to Wausau that night we didn't do anything fancy we just walked in and said we had found the ultrasound picture in the driveway. Lame I know but it had been a long day. Ate way too much sugar and ended up paying for it majorly. Won't do that again. Not worth it! Also that was my last dose of gluten. It started to not sit well at all and I was finally starting to crave foods that I normally eat. Low in sugar and healthy. Praise the LORD!!! 

Also, currently OBSESSED with pomegranate seeds! They are my favorite on the planet!!!!!

8 weeks :: I had my first OB-GYN appointment at 7 weeks and 5 days. It was an intake with an NP that works with my provider. It went well, I was hoping she would do another ultrasound but she said no need since I had one at 6 and 7. She said the next check would be at 10 for the heartbeat on the doppler. They did push my due date back a week officially (originally June 28th). I was hoping they wouldn't (so I thought I was almost 9 weeks) so that was definitely discouraging. Yet, I guess fun too because now our due date is July 3rd!!! Firework baby! And I am turning 30 this year on July 5th.

I haven't mentioned these two things yet, but baths from week 5 on were my saving grace!! I honestly never felt sick in them!!!! Whoo! I will sit in them for HOURS. I am still taking them multiple times a week just to calm down and breathe. I super wish I had a deep soak tub or whirlpool tub!! But this is my magic weapon in my ghetto tub!

I also have been going to a fertility acupuncturist since early September. I love her so much and she has been just the biggest supporter and listener. She really understood how we were very cautious our hearts are and just taking it day by day. I would completely recommend her!!!!! Hoping to continue this through our pregnancy!

7 weeks :: At the end of week six one day my symptoms totally disappeared and I felt good. Which I was worried about because being sick was good right? I called the RE and asked for a quick ultrasound before I left for Texas that week just in case. They obliged my worry and took a quick second look showing them all was fine. The Lord was also teaching me here that I am never going to have absolute certainty and that I have to TRUST HIM AND HOPE IN HIM. Not just a baby. 

I flew out to San Antonio with a crazy busy week of shooting. Sea Bands and gluten were still doing the trick for me all week. I did have to rest a lot in between my shoots there but my host was amazing and MORE than accommodating!! Best part I got to try foods from her fridge! Stuff I hadn't had in years....yogurt sticks, Cheerios with milk, hot ham sandwich and crepes. Also Uncrustables and subway's marinara melt were sitting well and sounded good. 

6 weeks :: We had our first ultrasound at our fertility specialist. Pretty much to see if anything was still growing inside. This to be honest was completely terrifying for me. I guess just going through infertility and knowing that kind of hurt, the naive-ness is completely gone. Also having so many friends go through loss or showing up to see nothing just really made me aware that anything could happen. I just remember looking at Matt and saying through tears "everything will be ok, even if it's not ok (meaning on the screen) " right before the doctor and ultrasound tech came in. I am so grateful to have a husband that is my total rock and just sees the world differently than me. He is so comforting. 

Praise The Lord!!!!!! There was a little tiny baby there and you could see the heartbeat. We took a video, you can hear her explain the diamond ring. 

Still feeling super sick and craving crap, yet the crap like a McDonald's breakfast sandwich would kill the nausea?!?! It was nuts. I hadn't had Mc'd's for at least 7 years. I gag writing about it now (12 weeks) Definitely not eating much during the day. 

5 weeks :: Started to definitely feel sick this week. No food sounded good and many made me gag. We got photos done with the amazing Emily Steffen and took a couple fun peanut announcement images  to share with family. Celebrating our little peanut! I definitely was feeling terrible most of the week and the only thing that made me feel better honestly was gluten. Turkey, bacon, chipotle hoagie from Davanni's specifically. I felt super guilty and a a bit worried,  as I have been Gluten Free for almost 5 years, but it was honestly the only thing that didn't make me feel nauseated. So I went with it and just listened to my body, surprisingly I didn't have a strong negative reaction like I normally do.

4 weeks :: As soon as I returned home from North Carolina,  I went into my RE (fertility doctor) for a blood test to measure my HCG. We got a call in the afternoon that I was definitely positive with numbers in the 2800's and that I should come back for another test Monday to see if my numbers were gaining meaning a viable pregnancy. Monday the numbers hit 13,000's. We also set our first ultrasound at the RE for Nov 7th. There were so many prayers by the couple of close friends that we shared with. We are so grateful for each of you!!

I think my want for pregnancy while going through infertility REALLY clouded reality a bit for me. All I wanted was a + sign. Yet, you are not in the all clear once you find out you are pregnant. Every moment I have to trust that The Lord has me. That he has this new life in His hands. And that He could give and take life away. Whether my baby is 4 weeks, 10 weeks, 30 weeks or even 4 years old. God is sovereign and this step has definitely made Matt and I really work on just laying this little life and OUR LIVES down at His Feet. In full trust and faith that Jesus really does have our BEST on His heart too.

These were the verses I was clinging to the past weeks.

3 weeks :: 15 minutes before I needed to be to the airport, Took a digital test (last one in the house) on a whim.  I had already started my period (spotting) but I thought what the heck. Matt and I usually sit and watch the dumb thing blink for 3 minutes and say not pregnant. So Matt left the bathroom and as I was ready to put another tampon in, yet after 30 seconds it changed to PREGNANT.

I yelled "Matt, Matt, Matt!!!!!!!" Completely confused and surprised. We were in complete shock. 1. I had thought my period had started. (Sneaky implantation bleeding) 2. This was a month OFF of treatment. Meaning we don't care, we intentionally don't do anything extra to try. I just wanted to not get my hopes up. (No feet up in the air....etc.... ) 3. I was home for exactly 13 days in the whole month of October. Honestly only 3.5 days on the first couple of weeks of the month. What?

Our shock slowly turned into excitement and then of course fear based questions. Like why was I bleeding, was I already miscarrying or was it implantation?  I drank a glass of wine the night before? Was wearing a tampon the days before bad? I called a couple of momma friends to help settle my fears.  And we quickly went out the door to get to the airport. Matt was super bummed to drop me at the airport after this big news and I was sad to leave him too. But knowing I would see some of my best friends shortly made it a bit better. 

Since we only had one test in the house, once I got to North Carolina I had to of course buy 4 more to make sure I wasn't crazy. I think the best part of that was in NC the pregnancy tests are in a clear box you have to bring to the front to get. Super discreet. Not!!!! 

Then spent the rest of the week praying and worrying and praying again. Honestly truly afraid to get my hopes up. But kept working on giving it up to the Lord, aware that this little life could be here today and gone tomorrow. Yet it is in HIS SOVEREIGN hands.

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