Walking in the Lord's Grace day by day....


21 Weeks

How big is baby: 21 Weeks | Pomegranate
How I'm feeling: Good. A little scared as we had a scare last week where I thought I was leaking amniotic fluid after a pool workout. I called the nurse line and she prompted me to head to the hospital. I wasn't expecting that and so Matt and I got in the car on the worst day ever for driving. Literally the roads were like pure ice. Grateful that Matt had taken the day off because we couldn't get out of the driveway in the morning as it was pure bawling the whole way there, just praying that all was well. Yes, all was well. Grateful. Not sure why I was feeling a bit off
Weight gain/loss: 16-17.5. Yep. My mexico weight hasn't dropped off, boo. But I don't feel terrible and the only thing I am worried about is having a 10 pound jump from my 19 week appt when I go in at 24. Hoping I stay right around these numbers, but also ok with whatever my body is going to do to carry this boy. Just will be more careful on extra sugar and gluten free items and fruit. Trying to keep my head up despite my efforts. Many of my bump boards girls have only had like 8-10 gains.
Stretch marks: None I see yet.
Sleep: Pretty good, been tossing a ton and peeing more throughout the night but still feel rested in the am. We have been reading baby books (from the library, to try to get the good ones) every night to the little man, then doing a parenting devotion. It's been soooo great.
Diet/Cravings/Aversions: Crazy about Turkey Sausage these days and strawberries. Completely random, but definitely what is hitting the spot. We made an amazing Paleo Broccoli and Cheese soup last night.
Movement: YES! Praise. Matt has felt him kick a couple of times. I definitely feel him more often usually two specific times of day (breakfast) and getting ready for sleep.
What I'm loving: Feeling little man more often. Quiet evenings and great homemade meals.
Symptoms: Tired. Feeling a bit sad. Bloated and definitely more fluid around town.
What I'm looking forward to: We have our hospital tour tomorrow and I am excited to get the layout and have a little date night before that.
Best moment of the week: I had an amazing acupuncture appointment this last week. I felt SO great afterwards. Also, hearing that all was ok with Little Man at the hospital was a huge praise.
Verse that I am clinging to: For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10 ESV) Today especially I am discouraged and a bit down with not meeting expectations of myself with body and just life (getting stuff done at the house, work and blogging) This verse is keeping my head above water saying that I DON'T need to try to please man (even myself) it's the wrong focus. It's giving it to Christ and knowing in Him I have freedom of worry and frustration. I just need to step into this as it's so easy to get caught up in the crazy of the day.
Photo: Rocking a non maternity shirt that is barely fitting, I just love this print. I actually wore this shirt when I attended the first Making Things Happen in 2009 with Lara & Emily. Oh how time has flown. The second picture has my favorite outfit for Little Man Z.


20 Weeks

How big is baby: 20 Weeks | Banana
How I'm feeling: Pretty good. I spent most of my 20 weeks in Mexico photographing a wedding. Was still pretty sick leading up to leaving (also after delta overbooking us and being a day late) so I haven't worked out since early week 18 and I am feeling it! I got to get to the gym.
Weight gain/loss: I won't step on the scale till Wednesday as travel always messes with my weight. I also wasn't too shy at the resort with food, definitely stayed away from gluten but enjoyed tons of Fresh fruit, hashbrowns, decaf lattes. ***update stepped on the scale today Tuesday and it was crazy laughable and scary. REALLY hoping I level out by next week as this morning showed 17 total.  So taking this number as motivation to get to the gym daily even if it's just a 20 min walk!! Plus I really want to get my 12 times this month (I did for the first time ever last month)***
Stretch marks: None I have seen yet. Will be starting to add Aargon oil to my mix as I was gifted some!
Sleep: I slept amazing in Mexico except for the morning a lizard landed on my tummy and I promptly popped out of bed screaming. Leah thought I was hilarious. Me not so much.
Diet/Cravings/Aversions: Definitely still in love with sparkling water. Has lots of club soda with lime and cherries at the pool bar. (Which I paid for later.....read below)
Movement: Yes! Nothing consistent and some days much more than others but I feel him. I just can't wait for the consistency and for Matt to feel. We have been trying but when he puts his hand to my belly the movement stops. Same thing when I put my hand there.
What I'm loving: 1. That our nursery is taking strides!!! Matt painted and put up the crib (which finally came back in stock, praise The Lord) and we together today organized all the junk that was there. 2. Um, my swimsuit top from Bare Necessities . Where have you been my WHOLE life. I have never felt more comfortable in my life in swimwear, where I am normally worrying about my boobs falling out of my suit or the red marks I would have for a week from trying to tie them so tight! I bought my own target bottoms and I am so so so happy I found this top. Hoping it will fit me the rest of the way. I got it a little big, so hoping so.
Symptoms: Well I had my first run in with pregnancy heartburn the day we left Mexico and it wasn't pretty. I almost threw up multiple times and nothing really settled my stomach. I will definitely be cutting back on carbonated water and doing whatever I can to avoid that. I was extremely exhausted on our flight home also, and bending over in the evenings (as my tummy is bigger is getting harder)
What I'm looking forward to: Matt feeling him kick and movement in response to touches or sounds. I really want it to happen and I think it would be amazing to feel him more often.
Best moment of the week: Feeling great in my body. LOVING my belly. Especially without clothes on, just enamored by what happens to a woman's body while growing a baby. I didn't notice it till later in the week but what a joy it was to not have to worry about comparing my body to other women. Also sitting out in the sun this week was remarkable. I've never been a coffee gal but it was so great to meander over a decaf latte with my best girlfriend Leah. Knowing that there was no where else to be, no internet or calls to miss. That my friends is heaven. We were there for the perfect amount of time. So happy to be back to my hubby!
Verse that I am clinging to: This verse popped up in a weekly devotional I get and for the first time in a long time I was able to read it with confidence and joy. So many times during our infertility journey it was so hard to read this. I especially LOVE the excerpt that I quoted below. It speaks so much to my heart and how grateful I feel and how much of a gift we have obtained from the Lord. Praying that we get to meet this little man in July and hold him for many millions of days after that. But handing that hope and all my heart and fears over to Jesus daily has been my main objective these past couple of weeks.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it [a thorn in my flesh] away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:8-10. NIV

"He further reminds us that God doesn't desire us to be weak--he desires us to be strong and powerful. It's only by enduring temporary weakness through trials and tribulations that we arrive on the other side."

Photos: I can't believe we are half way! In a phase that a lot of Maternity clothes make me look bigger than I am now, but my normal clothes aren't long enough. Making it work with belts and cardigans I think. You'll see in the photos below, also I had to include a shot with the dress I wore in Mexico too. See that photo in my last post.

       | 20 Weeks and 5 Days |

Half Way

Exactly 20 weeks on the beach in Rivera Maya | Love this borrowed target maternity dress from a friend. | iPhone photo taken by Leah |


Bumps 14-19 Weeks

| Bottom row | Comparison of 17 weeks to 19.5 weeks | 
A bit of a difference. Trying hard to make each photo similar is tougher than it seems ;) Taking them at different times of the day makes that a little tricky-er.

19 Weeks

How big is baby: 19 Weeks | Mango
How I'm feeling: This week was rough due to a major head cold that hit late Sunday night. This sick completely knocked me out and I cleared my schedule mostly Monday-Wednesday to rest it off. I started to feel better Thursday but would be tired after an hour or two. Friday I pushed through and I think the adrenaline of the appt at ultrasound helped. Friday late night and Saturday were full of terribly bad headaches. Which seemed to clear up with some greens and gluten free Mac and cheese from French Meadow.
Weight gain/loss: 11.5-13.5 at home. 10.5 total at my appt and scale there.
Stretch marks: None I see yet.
Sleep: This week was a lot together due to being congested. Also trying to find new sleeping positions.
Diet/Cravings/Aversions: This week
Movement: I have been feeling some! Nothing super consistent, but when I am laying in bed or sometime if I am slouching on the chair. Tried to have Matt feel it a couple of times but no go. He seems to stop when he feels pressure.
What I'm loving: Knowing that there is a beautiful baby in there. I can't get over the profile photo of him. HIM It's crazy to say that!! I am still wrapping my mind around it. Like I wrote we totally thought we were having a girl. 
Symptoms: SUPER TIRED. I think that the cold still has my energy down, but grateful to be feeling good otherwise.
What I'm looking forward to: Warm weather. So excited for the beach soon.
Best moment of the week: Definitely seeing that sweet babes on the ultrasound even if it was only a couple of seconds at a time. Also, THIS MOMENT. Can't get over it. What fun it was. SO Grateful.
Verse that I am clinging to:  John 15:7  If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. Just a reminder that I NEED to abide in Christ and he will be there. 

     | 19 weeks 5 days | Halfway on Thursday! | 


The Big Appointment

6:00 am 
Waking up before our big Anatomy Scan appointment was easy as I could barely sleep the whole night before. Halfway because I was having bad dreams, half way because I was so excited. We both woke early as our appointment was at 8:15 and we didn't want to feel rushed.

The best and most important time of my day was the time I took while still in bed to try to settle my heart and calm my fears. I started by reading in the next chapter in my devotional, followed along the exercises and paragraph really stood out to me. The devotion was talking about being under Christ's Lordship. This concept for so long was something I didn't get, but the simplest explanation is if we were under ruler of a King how would we act. Are we living under Christ's Lordship?  I felt the Lord really speak to me.

See friends. Ever since experiencing our infertility, my faith and heart have been shaken. I would not take back that time or the growth I experienced, as walking through infertility brought me closer and deepened my faith like it never has before. Yet, it also has opened the door to SO MANY QUESTIONS. So many more fears, doubts and just a pit in my stomach wanting to really know the Father and His character. While I believe questions in your faith are a good thing, the also can be something that the devil can use against you. To make you really doubt. To make a strain on your relationship and intimacy with Christ.

This honestly is where I have lived since we have become pregnant. So excited and feeling blessed but so incredibly fearful and wanting answers or a way to understand God. Feeling almost shameful that I can't come near to His throne, because I am so afraid of what he will put in our path.

Yet what the Lord made clear to me in my devotions that morning. Is that questions are just fine and good in your faith if you are living under HIS LORDSHIP. Like the Lord was saying to me. "Gina, you can question who I am, but are you living under my Lordship? You can't be deciding whether to live underneath my rule....you need to choose and from there ask for understanding."

See what I hadn't realized that all my questioning was really a wall in disguise. A wall I didn't see. What truer words did I need to here. Friends, we are NEVER going to understand the Lord or His ways here on earth. Not fully. Why would we want to? Then would God really be God if we could understand His thinking? NO. So what I have to do is JUMP in faith and while in that faith ASK. John 15:7 says it so perfectly. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

So I journaled for about another 30 minutes asking the Lord to just grant me peace about my questions. To release the questions that don't matter and to set my heart ablaze for the ones he wants me to seek. I begged for the Lord to truly help my unbelief. Surrendering all that was to happen that day. Praise the Lord for meeting me in that quiet time. Honestly if it hadn't happen I don't think the day could have gone the way it did. I am so grateful for that time. It helped me break free of chains that had been holding my heart for months. Praise Jesus!

8:00 am
We arrive to my OB-GYN after a painful car ride of obsessing if I was going to pee my pants or if I needed to drink more. (As was advised to have a full bladder for the Ultrasound) Matt and I walked in to an empty office and just one other woman checking in. We sit down and low and behold one of our great friends was the other woman in the office. What a blessing that was. It was so fun to catch up and chat and keep my mind off PEEING my pants. Oh how the day was full of these little blessings.

8:20 am
We get pulled into the Ultrasound with an adorable tech named Joy. She was totally open to our idea and was excited we were doing a reveal she had never heard of! So she puts the wand on my belly and honestly until then it hadn't felt SO real. There was a BABY in there. A REAL BABY. Oh the joy! Now we did have ALOT of "look away" moments from our tech, to make sure the gender wasn't spoiled as our baby was super active. (yea clementine! I ate before I walked in). It was so great. A small piece of me wishes we could have watch that little babes bounce around the whole time, but I don't regret how we did find out. I would have to say what a blessing technology is. To be able to see the brain, the 4 chambers of the heart, the lips and arms and little foot. It's amazing what that machine could do. It was fantastic. It was such a blessing. Then we met with our doctor and we all praised for a healthy baby. She also mentioned I had a bit of a placenta lake, but thought it was nothing to be concerned about. I still can't get over the profile of our little babe. It's the background of EVERYTHING. What a blessing.

9:30 and on.
We left the office and ran a couple more errands before we headed to the studio to start the set up.  The entire time we kept looking at each other saying "THERE IS A REAL BABY IN THERE". We arrived and while it was freezing we headed upstairs to the studio. My dear friend Lauren arrived to do my make up and hair. She did the most amazing job. Lauren always makes me feel so gorgeous. While she was wrapping me up, our other guests were arriving. Leah to take photos. Nate to take video and Kim to be an extra set of hands to throw confetti.

I had been really inspired to do something different for our gender reveal. I think it's the curse of living in the photo/video world. Now confetti is nothing new.  I have seen it so many and some that have been so great. I am in love with the new trend of the slow motion wedding video booths. And that is where the video idea stemmed. I wanted to catch our reaction in slow motion and just have it live forever that way.

Nate came to help with the video, Leah to shoot some stills and just the rest to help throw the right color confetti. It took us awhile to test the confetti (I made a white set, just to see how it would throw) but it wasn't long before we had our eyes closed and Leah opened the envelope and the right color was put in our hands. Then it felt like an eternity before we actually got to throw and see what our baby was! Watching the video after when we got home was hilarious because the full cut had so many hilarious pieces, for example like Nate coming and standing in btw us and we had NO idea.

Alright if you haven't seen the video watch it below. If you have already scroll below.

Baby Z Reveal from Gina Zeidler on Vimeo.

We were RIDICULOUSLY surprised. Matt and I were 90% convinced we were having a girl. We just had a feeling, when we would pray would we would say "her" or "she". I had a little bit of a boy guess after we left the ultrasound because we had to "look away" so much. But I had no idea how much I had "processed" or thought we were having a girl. Like it has taken me and still is taking me a couple days for it to settle in. It's crazy awesome and such a blessing! We are so grateful for a measuring healthy Baby BOY! It was so amazing to be able to be truly joyful. To feel like a weight has been lifted!

In the evening, we also had our family over for Pizza and had them Silly String each other and they all saw the blue. It was super simple but fun. Then we played some of the un edited video for them to view. Whew. A long post but just emptying my brain so I don't forget something! Also my 19 week update is coming soon!

Video by Nate Larson | Photos by Leah | Edits by us.

Baby Zeidler is a..........

Baby Z Reveal from Gina Zeidler on Vimeo.


18 Weeks

How big is baby: Mango | 18 Weeks
How I'm feeling: These last couple of days have been pretty miserable with being sick. Trying to fight off and heal by trying to rest. Easier said than done when you have a very busy week ahead.
Weight gain/loss: 11 pds.
Stretch marks: None that I see yet. Using a coconut oil based lotion, not sure if it will help.
Sleep: doing alright. Mostly interrupted sleep cause of this cold.
Diet/Cravings/Aversions: Nothing super specific this week. Really tried to eat sugar free and limit gluten free products feeling pretty good. Had some extra treats at the Super Bowl party but feeling pretty good. Drink wise I am obsessed with the Pample-mousse grapefruit la croix sparkling water. I usually hate this stuff, but it's been a great treat.
Movement: I maybe have felt some movement on Saturday and Sunday. It felt like what it would feel like, but I am not ready to be like "that was FORSURE it." I didn't feel much Monday and some more on Tuesday. Feel it mostly when I am crouched over or slouching. Sometimes when I am laying down but more when I am sitting goofy. Hoping it's really movement, I don't think I'll be feeling consistent movement for awhile. Definitely increased the days I had a couple sparkling waters, so maybe it's just bubbles too? Who knows.
What I'm loving: Maybe feeling movement. Also, feeling a little bit more set in the clothes department. Hit up an Old Navy sale and went to Bellies and Babies to pick up some shorts for my trip warmer weather next week. I also went BRA shopping or got fitted again at Nordstroms, and I was happy to see I only have gone up in my ribcage from size 34 to 36. Not too happy about the expensive price tag of a new bra, but life is life. I am glad I feel more comfortable and not just chubby.
Symptoms: Not many Just feeling bloated and super sick from a normal head cold. Feeling grateful for a couple weeks of no extreme symptoms.
What I'm looking forward to: Getting pretty pumped to see our baby on the A/S this next week! It's going to be so fun, I am hoping and praying. We haven't seen baby since it was a little blob with a heartbeat, so hoping and praying we see a beautiful healthy baby looking baby! We will be finding out the gender as well, so look for a fun share of news in this next week!
Best moment of the week: Getting a new bra and new maternity clothes and also hopefully feeling the baby a bit more. Also, counting down the days till our big ultrasound!!!
Verse that I am clinging to: The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6  (NIV)
I am definitely clinging to this verse as I just see myself wander from the Lord and his supplication FIRST. Before my phone or to-do's or anything and I just see myself empty and non fufilled. To be honest in my new study these last weeks were on the sovereignty of the Lord which was almost hard for me to study. I am still trying to see God as loving yet all powerful. I know this might sound selfish and terrible, but my heart has just been so fearful of the Lord. Yet trusting in him. Like I am still so afraid of going to our scan this week and finding out that we no longer have a little one. Again, it's not because I am not grateful or completely believing that God is good and has given us a gift. I just know the hardship we went through with infertility and I know that the Lord only knows the plans for us and His plan can include hurt and pain. Again, I feel almost shameful posting where my heart is at, but I want to be real, so that I can look back on these feelings and see growth and where the Lord has worked in my heart. All I can do is LEAN into him and spend more time in the spirit.

     | 18 weeks 6 days |

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