Walking in the Lord's Grace day by day....

20140205

18 Weeks

How big is baby: Mango | 18 Weeks
How I'm feeling: These last couple of days have been pretty miserable with being sick. Trying to fight off and heal by trying to rest. Easier said than done when you have a very busy week ahead.
Weight gain/loss: 11 pds.
Stretch marks: None that I see yet. Using a coconut oil based lotion, not sure if it will help.
Sleep: doing alright. Mostly interrupted sleep cause of this cold.
Diet/Cravings/Aversions: Nothing super specific this week. Really tried to eat sugar free and limit gluten free products feeling pretty good. Had some extra treats at the Super Bowl party but feeling pretty good. Drink wise I am obsessed with the Pample-mousse grapefruit la croix sparkling water. I usually hate this stuff, but it's been a great treat.
Movement: I maybe have felt some movement on Saturday and Sunday. It felt like what it would feel like, but I am not ready to be like "that was FORSURE it." I didn't feel much Monday and some more on Tuesday. Feel it mostly when I am crouched over or slouching. Sometimes when I am laying down but more when I am sitting goofy. Hoping it's really movement, I don't think I'll be feeling consistent movement for awhile. Definitely increased the days I had a couple sparkling waters, so maybe it's just bubbles too? Who knows.
What I'm loving: Maybe feeling movement. Also, feeling a little bit more set in the clothes department. Hit up an Old Navy sale and went to Bellies and Babies to pick up some shorts for my trip warmer weather next week. I also went BRA shopping or got fitted again at Nordstroms, and I was happy to see I only have gone up in my ribcage from size 34 to 36. Not too happy about the expensive price tag of a new bra, but life is life. I am glad I feel more comfortable and not just chubby.
Symptoms: Not many Just feeling bloated and super sick from a normal head cold. Feeling grateful for a couple weeks of no extreme symptoms.
What I'm looking forward to: Getting pretty pumped to see our baby on the A/S this next week! It's going to be so fun, I am hoping and praying. We haven't seen baby since it was a little blob with a heartbeat, so hoping and praying we see a beautiful healthy baby looking baby! We will be finding out the gender as well, so look for a fun share of news in this next week!
Best moment of the week: Getting a new bra and new maternity clothes and also hopefully feeling the baby a bit more. Also, counting down the days till our big ultrasound!!!
Verse that I am clinging to: The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6  (NIV)
I am definitely clinging to this verse as I just see myself wander from the Lord and his supplication FIRST. Before my phone or to-do's or anything and I just see myself empty and non fufilled. To be honest in my new study these last weeks were on the sovereignty of the Lord which was almost hard for me to study. I am still trying to see God as loving yet all powerful. I know this might sound selfish and terrible, but my heart has just been so fearful of the Lord. Yet trusting in him. Like I am still so afraid of going to our scan this week and finding out that we no longer have a little one. Again, it's not because I am not grateful or completely believing that God is good and has given us a gift. I just know the hardship we went through with infertility and I know that the Lord only knows the plans for us and His plan can include hurt and pain. Again, I feel almost shameful posting where my heart is at, but I want to be real, so that I can look back on these feelings and see growth and where the Lord has worked in my heart. All I can do is LEAN into him and spend more time in the spirit.


     | 18 weeks 6 days |

6 comments

  1. Giiirrrrllll, you better tell where your heart is at and not apologize a second for it. How will you be able to look back and see what the Lord has done? How will you be a good friend to those who follow behind your path in the same of ways? Proud of you for being real in the 'joyful struggle.' More proud of you for rocking the scripture cling.

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    1. Thank you love. It's been challenging and hard feeling guilty that I should be nothing but grateful but I have to real about my heart. Even if it's ugly. Thank you for allowing me to be me. I love you.

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  2. Your speaking my language in your last paragraph. That fear and worry, while it hasn't completely gone away, has lessened a bit for me as things progress though.

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  3. Thinking of you so much everyday Gina - this blog is just lovely (visually and verbally!). Hoping for a wonderful report next week for both of you :)

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  4. Yay!! You look great beautiful lady!! Hope you feel better!! I'm starting to get a head cold which is making me nauseous and get sick because of the drainage. Yuck-o.

    I completely understand where you are coming from with wanting to Trust God, but also wondering where this is going. Wondering why He blessed me with this gift, but so many others are still struggling. So often it feels to good to be true, and I'm just waiting for it teach me a lesson about loss. Praying for you daily! :)

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  5. I love you. Your updates make my heart happy. God is good all the time!

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